Trust is key.

Are you a constant user of Facebook or Twitter? Have you seen posts of "in love" people which sometimes you think are somewhat overrated? Have you seen two people who are like talking to each other by posting status updates of their own? Well, I did.

Sometimes, I feel like I am not comfortable with Facebook having so much drama from its users (or at least, my Facebook friends). Or maybe because I don't have a relationship that I could shout (or post) to everyone on Facebook. I am not really sure.

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While I am busy thinking of what I really am feeling -- if it was discomfort or envy -- with relationship-related posts on Facebook, I decided to look over random articles on Google about romantic relationship and social media, I bumped into (yes, bumped, as if I saw this while strolling around a mall. Haha!) an article written by Joann Pan entitled "How Social Media Helps Romantic Relationship Thrive" on a site called Mashable.

Her article was filled with tips on how to handle personal romantic relationships and social media at the same time without destroying any of the two -- or even either of the couple.  Over all the article, tips to sustain or propel "new and long term romantic relationships" are given for their readers.

As it says on the article, "When Done Right, Social Media is Like Glue." This statement by Miss Pan was supported by the opinion of a self-described internet geek, wife, and mother named Alexandra Samuel, PhD who believes that the internet sustains and builds relationships.

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I am totally agreeing on this one.  I think, it really is a matter of balance.  As many would say, "lahat ng sobra, masama." Being able to talk to your partner regarding your relationship.  After all, trust is the one which makes your relationship last.

Speaking of trust, there's a line in the article which says "however, romantic duos should showcase trust by avoiding cyber stalking at all costs," to which I agree.

I know some people -- some are my frineds, actually, who tend to stalk their partner's timeline. Maybe to see qwhat they were up to during their respective busy days. And, for my personal opinion, they are just looking for something to fight at.

At the end of the day, I still think that talking to your partner about your day -- with work or school -- would be the key to a long-lasting relationship.  Social media would be a help or not, but it always depends upon the couple's understandinhg and trust t each other.

♥

Outline of Research Paper

Social Media

• Effects of social media
• Effects of social media on it’s users
• Effects of social media on Filipino college students
• Effects of social media on Filipino college students’ relationships
• Effects of social media on Filipino college students’ romantic relationships

Social Media

I.                    Social Media

A.      Its definition

B.      Social Networking Sites as part of social media

II.                  Filipino’s Romantic Relationship

A.      Past vs. Present

B.      College students’ way of handling relationships

III.                Effects of social media on Filipino college students’ romantic relationships

Introduction (Draft)

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

A. Background of the Study

Social media can be defined as "interactive platforms via which individuals and communities create and share user-generated content”. Andreas Kaplan and Michael Haenlein define social media as "a group of Internet-based applications that build on the ideological and technological foundations of Web 2.0, and that allow the creation and exchange of user-generated content." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_media)

The best way to define social media is to break it down. Media is an instrument on communication, like a newspaper or a radio, so social media would be a social instrument of communication. (http://webtrends.about.com/od/web20/a/social-media.htm)

According to studies, the use of social media on a daily basis may affect the user’s way of interacting with people.  The common effect that researches would indicate is that people tend to indicate more on social media than on making moves in personal.  Different people handle different kinds of relationships their own way.

Currently, no one can totally say if social media consistently affects its users on a positive or a negative aspect.  Each user has their own side, and believes in their own perception.  It always depends on how they look onto things.  If they chose to look at anything on a lighter side, then maybe it would be a little less drama on their part.  However, if one chooses to look at everything on a negative aspect, then maybe mere use of social media affects him on his every decision.

Many definitions and words about social media and its effects are coming from different perspectives.  There may be some opinions which are almost alike with another, but at a certain point, there is always something which makes one opinion different from another.   On the same aspect, relationships such as family, friendly, professional, or romantic, are being handled and looked at from one’s own perspective. 

Filipinos are known for being caring and loving, especially to their partners – boyfrined/girlfriend or their spouses.  Back in the past, they are very much strict when it comes to courting a Filipina.  Many ways of courting are made by a guy to express his love and affection to a certain girl.

In Philippine culture, courtship is far more subdued and indirect unlike in some Western societies.  A man who is interested in courting a woman has to be discreet and friendly at first, in order not to be seen as too presko or mayabang (aggressive or too presumptuous). (http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/love.htm)

Traditional style of Filipino dating is still said to be practiced in some rural and suburban areas.  But, the rise of social media may have influenced this notion.  Younger generation, including college students, are meeting and getting closer to new people through social media.  Facebook and Twitter, for example, had brought impact on different Filipino point of views.

This research paper aims to enhance the understanding of the readers about the effects of social media on Filipino college students’ romantic relationships.  It examines the different ways on how Filipino college students handle their relationships, with the help of social media, nowadays.


B. Statement of the Problem

This study aims to answer this question:

1. What has been the effect of social media on the romantic relationship of Filipino college students?

C. Significance of the Study

College Students.  This paper would also be able to help college students who may be experiencing things which may complicate their romantic relationships.  These students are mostly the ones who are starting up or may be sustaining a relationship, although are not very new on what social media can bring or give.  The researcher would like these students to learn on how to deal with romantic relationships  and non-stop use of social media all together without giving up as much as possible of either of the two.

Adults. Adults would also benefit from the study because thy are also users of social media, and they also have their respective romantic relationships on their own.  Also, the researcher believes that, through this study, adults who have children – who are currently studying in college – would be informed on how their children would be affected by social media and/or relationships, and let them help any other researcher on spreading information onto their kids.

Future Researchers.  The researcher believe that this paper would be helpful to future researchers who would like to do their research on any topic related to the one discussed in here.  This is because, this research paper could provide essential information and opinions which may serve as their guide for the development of their paper.


D. Scope and Delimitation

This study focuses on the effects of social media on the romantic relationships of Filipino college students.  But due to limited time, this study will no longer discuss the effects of social media on other personal relationships such as family and professional relationships.  This is only to give emphasis on the effect of social media on any romantic relationship of Filipino college students.  Also, as to social media, this would only give emphasis on social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and the like.

Moreover, the researcher believes that social media is still in its peak of fame in the modern day, and romantic relationships would neither be falling – especially with regard to Filipinos. Therefore, this study would likely be relevant up to the near future.  Aside from time constraint, the researcher also considered the number of resources which could be used during the study.  This is due to the number of resources available regarding social media and romantic relationships’ effect on each other.


E. Materials and Methodologies

This research employs a descriptive method since the researcher aims to describe and to discuss the effects of social media on the romantic relationship of Filipino college students.  Details used for the study were mostly from articles posted online.  In addition, a few college students who are currently enjoying both social media and their romantic relationships are interviewed to strengthen the findings of the study.


F. Definition of Terms

• Family Relationships - involve people to whom you are related in some way or the other.
• Friendly Relationships - Relations that we share with our friends, peers, fellow workers, and other acquaintances are termed as friendly relationships.
• Professional Relationships - Colleagues, clients, seniors, customers, and subordinates are some people with whom these relationships are likely to trigger off.
• Romantic Relationships - the most beautiful and rewarding yet complex relationship that one can indulge in.
• Social Networking - the grouping of individuals into specific groups, like small rural communities or a neighborhood subdivision.
• Courtship - an important part of Philippine tradition and culture; It is a trademark of Filipino women to first play hard-to-get during dating and courtship.

(Sources: http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/types-of-relationships-12844.html | http://www.whatissocialnetworking.com/ | http://www.ehow.com/about_6720507_filipino-dating-culture.html#ixzz2ACdpOYvy)

I say this because I know.

Do you remember when your parents seem to tell the never-ending story of the happenings during the martial law. When our former president, Ferdinand Marcos, was known as the ruler of the country. From the stories of my parents and grandparents, it sounds like Mr. Marcos had the whole Philippines within the palm of his hands.

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As a college student, it has been a part of my daily routine to check on my phone and my social networking accounts on a daily basis – or whenever I am available to check on them. Well, I think everyone does. At least everyone whose close to me.

I found an article, during my usual daily surfing the internet hobby, by Jon Hurdle in a site called Reuters. His article's entitled “Social media can rule your life, college friend,” and is about how college students are affected with the use of social media.

College Friends (Credits to Mishal Ordoñez)

The article says about how a week-long blackout of social media made in Harrisburg University of Science and Technology affected a certain number of students chosen to be part of the experiment. Their conclusion on the said experiment seem to be that social media should be used alongside old-fashioned personal communication.

And, I totally agree. As always, I have always thought life should not revolve along social media alone. Being a student, and an adolescent, all these social media have been a part of my teenage-life. Maybe you have seen photos or quotations on Facebook which says something like, “90's babies are gonna be the last generation of kids who grew up playing with their friends on the streets.”

True, is it? Kids nowadays know more on technology-related games and stuffs, but only a few know how to play piko, patintero, tumbang preso, hide and seek, and every game made on the streets you may think of. These games are fun!

Mga Larong Pinoy

These games are not just games. These games make the best out of its players. Team work and sportsmanship are some of the best things that we learn from playing games with our friends – our childhood friends.

Mere friendship made or earned personally, I can say, is far better than those made or earned through social media. Although, social media may probably be a great help not to forget those whom you first new – or sometimes termed as your old friends.

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Social media being part of one's social life is , I think, the same with school related things. It is good to excel in school with your personal efforts. With personal efforts, I meant efforts made when studying with the help of your books and hand outs from your professors or things like that.

I'm not saying help from social media are not good, but well, you see, when you start opening cellular phones or opening social networking sites, you end up not concentrating on what you do – on studying. You get what I mean? I am not saying this out of what I read or what, I am saying this because I know. I am there. I know this from experience. ;)

♥

Publicity: Being Proud or Way of Making Things Worse?

Are you in a relationship? Or do you know someone who is? Do you think social media or certain networking sites can cause resentment within your or your friends' relationship?

To be clear, I am currently not in a relationship, but some of my friends are. I even know someone who – I think – makes everything up out of what she sees on Facebook. Well, I am over reacting, maybe not everything but most of it. Hihi.

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I was getting used to usual dramas on Facebook. Public expressions of hatred or anger towards their ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, “___ went single from in a relationship” statuses, statuses filled with sad faced-emoticons, and the likes. I tried searching on Google effects of how social media or certain networking sites affect romantic relationships.

The article that I saw was by Sara E in a forum site called Gather. Her post was entitled “Negative Effects of Social Networking On Relationships.” She was pointing out that social networking is not a good idea for people who are having a relationship. She even stated several ideas on how social networking impacts negatively on relationship, including:

1. It can cause resentment within a relationship.
2. It is used as a way to deal with or vent feelings.
3. It allows a place for personal information to be publicly shared.
4. It can easily cause jealousy within a relationship.
5. Excessive use of it can be a sign of internet addiction.
6. It can be a path to infidelity.
7. It can and will wreck a relationship.

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I think she has a point with these things. These are possible to happen. But I think, it is not that bad after all. It really depends on the partners' point of view; on how they look on things that affect their relationship.

As many say, trust and communication is the key to a good relationship. I don't think it only applies on romantic relationships, but to all types or kinds of relationships. You agree?

At the end of this article, I saw a comment from someone named Natasharose Rose. A part of her comment says, “... Putting everything in perspective, social networking sites are the least of our problems! Also, it's a personal decision to share your private information on a public forum, so if an individual doesn't like that their partner does that, then they should date someone who keeps their personal life to themselves. Very simple.”

I guess she's right. It is after all, the couple's relationship, and it should be them who should handle themselves.  I think they should have a talk, a serious one, which would open up all their issues to each other. They chose to be together, so why waste that choice with just a simple comment of another girl/boy on your partner's Facebook status, right?

♥

Which do you prefer?

I did not go to school last Monday. I was not feeling well. Maybe because of what I did over the weekend with my sister and cousins. So, instead of having an unproductive day, I decided to research on things that I will be needing for school works. I have tons of things to do, actually.

As I was looking over what I can use at Google, I saw an article called “Teens in survey paint positive picture of social media's effect on their lives” and clicked its link. It was written by Cecilia Kang for The Washington Post.

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I was enlightened with its title. (Ha-ha!) I thought, “finally! A positive result for teens.” Personally, if I were asked, I can only count, with my fingers, the number of positive outcome of social media that I can think of. Especially Facebook and Twitter.

The article was summarizing a result of a survey made for teens who use social media. It says, “More than half of these “digital natives” – the first generation to have grown up with Facebook – said these technologies have helped them keep in touch with friends, get to know other students at their school better or connect with those who share a common interest.”

My high school schoolmates. ;)

Incidentally, this is my reason for signing up at Facebook. To be connected with my friends. I remember when my mom used to ask me, “bakit ka pa naggaganyan? E nakikita mo naman mga kaibigan mo sa school araw araw.” We used to argue with that thought, actually. But later on, I saw her sign up for Facebook as well.

Yes, I must tell that I see my friends at school. I talk to them almost everyday. But, I think, Facebook has given us a little something to use to share other things that we were not able to when we are at school. During my entire membership at Facebook, I have gained friends already. Friends whom I only see at school but are not within my circle of friends; friends whom I thought would never consider me as their friends.

With the help of Facebook, I have seen and met different types of people. Most of them are the same on how they approach people online and on personal. But, there are still people who boast and – in a way – insult others online but are angel-like when approaching personally.

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Also, the article indicates, “Text messaging is still the favored application of teens for communicating. Two-thirds of respondents said they text every day, and half said they visit social-networking sites daily. One-quarter of teens use at least two different types of social media a day.”

I am a fan of text messaging. Really. Of course, there are times when I cannot access the internet, so, when I encounter those times, my phone never fails me – well, it does not fail me anytime. ;) As I said in my other post, I use my phone for almost everything.

“Still, half of all respondents said real-life communication is the most fun and fruitful for their relationships.” says in the article. I smiled when I read this. I thought to myself, “if I were a respondent during this survey, I may have been a part of this half.

I may be a fan of social media and all, but I am a bigger fan of real-life communication, interaction and relationship. I think it is more fun running at the streets with your friends, laughing your hearts out, and agreeing on simple silly things.

How 'bout you? Which do you prefer? ;)

♥

Is Facebook a part of your daily activities?

It has been my hobby to check out my Facebook account. Who doesn't? Well, it may be too mainstream, but many still access it, many still post their pictures and share almost anything that they think would attract attention of everybody else.

I open my Facebook account almost everyday. Well, except for days when our internet connection's crappy.  But nevertheless, the point is, I open it as often as I can.  I even know many adolescents who use their Facebook accounts, too. Those kids younger than I am, including my younger siblings and cousins.

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I was in the midst of using Facebook, when I thought of making a blog post. I decided to search on Google, and saw an article from Courier Press. It was entitled “Research confirms social media's impact on adolescent development” written by someone whose under their Youth Resources.

This article, I believe, affects me. Well, I am an adolescent after all, right? I decided to read the article since I think it would affect me.  The article says about Dr. Larry Rosen's – a psychology professor at California State University – research on the effects of Facebook during a session at the American Psychological Association 119TH Convention.

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Some of the results of Dr. Rosen's research included in the article are:

• The more time elapsed, the more windows were opened on the student's computer.
• When students stayed on task, they perform better.
• When they switched between windows and other tasks, they perform worse.
• The more media they consumed per day, the worse students they were.
• If they checked Facebook just once during 15 minutes, they were worse students.

I smiled a bit, while reading this part of the article. It came to me, that it is possible; that there is a slightly big chance that facebook – and maybe all other networking sites – is a major part of the decrease in productivity of students.  Even I can attest to that. As I said earlier, I am a fan of facebook, I use it everyday, and I know that it affects my study habits.

I would often say that I would prefer to read non-academic-related books on term breaks rather than on weekends when I do not have anything else to do. This is one thing that I am teaching myself. I am controlling myself not to read stories or books other that those I am using at school for the current term.

Also, in the article, it says that Rosen suggests the concept of implementing "tech breaks," which involve setting a 15-minute block of time where total focus is required; no cellphones allowed.

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I think that is a good idea. That is really my plan. To keep away my cellphone during my 'study time.'  But at present, I cannot do that. I'm not really sure why. But I think, as long as I have load and my friends keep on sending me messages that I need to reply, this would be pretty hard.

On the latter part, I saw my favorite line from the article. “Overusing social mediums on a daily basis has a negative affect on teens and young adults by making them more prone to anxiety, depression, and other psychological disorders such as anti-social behaviors, mania, and aggressive tendencies.”

I definitely agree with this – one reason why it is my favorite line from the article. Although,  I hate the feeling of guilt when I read stuffs that I really think are meant for me when they really are meant for the general public.  I think this part is true, and a part of me feels that it is meant for me. Well, I think I am not yet on the stage of anxiety, depression and the like, but I think if I continue to use facebook – and later on realize that I am overusing it already – I would probably lead to the worse case scenario, but let's hope not.

♥

Message replied.

I woke up late today, like literally late. When I woke up, the first thing I checked was my mobile phone. This is becoming my habit, actually. Maybe because I use my phone for almost everything -- text messaging, phone calls, alarm clock, playing games, and even on checking my accounts on different networking sites.

So, as I was saying, the first thing I checked was my phone. And I saw about five (5) new messages on its screen. Four of them were from my friends, and guess who's the other one. My grand mother! She sent me a text message saying "alas dose na kain na tayo." Haha! I think that's cute. It made me smile, actually, even though I had back and neck pain as I woke up.

My grandmother's text message.

I got up as soon as I read her message, and went straight down to our living room and switched on our computer. Yes, I turned on our computer first than washing my face. (Okay, that's embarassing. Haha!) And then I suddenly realized how social media is affecting me, personally.

I decided to write this post, as I was in peak of thinking how social media affected me, I saw an article entitled "Being 'Always On' Impacts Personal Relationships More Than It Impacts The Written Language" on a research site, that I saw on google, called Science Daily. There was no indicated author on the article, though. But the whole article tackles on a book written by Naomi S. Baron. "Always On: Language in an Online and Mobile World" was the title of her book.

Baron's book (Image Source)

The book of Baron was about what is the difference, in terms of impact, of online language to written language. Baron explains in her book the result of a decade of research on her view of how technology has affected our reading, writing and listening behaviors.

“People have always found ways to avoid unwanted conversation: crossing the street when a person you don’t want to talk with is approaching or hanging up the phone if your boyfriend’s mother—rather than your boyfriend—answers,” Baron said. “However, new online and mobile technologies increase the range of options at our disposal for choosing when we want to interact with whom. We check caller ID on our cell phones before taking the call. We block people on IM or Facebook. And we forward email or text messages to people for whom they were never intended.”

Naomi S. Baron

I must admit, this is an issue within our family. Everyone has their own mobile phones and all are expected to have their prepaid loads or anything that would make them answer or reply on important calls or messages.  But, the thing is, not all have their loads. It became a habit that when we arrive home and our parents ask “tinatawagan kita, bakit di ka sumasagot?” or “text ako ng text, bakit di ka nagrereply?”

Our common answer would be “ay, nakasilent phone ko eh.” or “la ko load.” They decided to get a postpaid plan for my older sister, who is really not good with reasoning. No load and silent phone would always be her reason. So, they thought that with their decision of her having a post paid plan, she would not reason up anymore of not having prepaid load to reply.

On the other hand, I have learned my lesson with this.  Back in high school, I always ask my dad for money for me to buy prepaid loads. But now, in college, I save money for prepaid loads. I don't ask anymore – unless if everything that I have saved are gone or if I am saving it for something else. Also, I always put my phone on silent mode wherein it would vibrate when there is an incoming call or message. I'm doing this so that I would not have any reason for not answering important calls or messages.

♥

P.S.: I was supposed to post this (just this one) last week, October 10. But unfortunately, we had trouble with our internet connection. Currently, we are still experiencing some troubles on our connection but I am making ways to still be able to post blogs. ;) Enjoy reading! ;)

Class Activity Number 1: Formal Language

"Almost everyone has their own social media/networking accounts.  I think it started out a few years ago, when Friendster started.  I had those accounts too.  Since Friendster, I also had different accounts on different sites -- Multiply, MySpace, Facebook & Twitter.  At first, I never really though of how this would affect me, or if it would affect me - either positive or negative - at all."

"Recently, social networking sites are becoming a trend.  Friendster, Multiply, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and Google+ are just some of its common examples.  The beginning of this trend possibly happened a few years ago, when Friendster became known to almost all internet users.  As these sites expand, people who register multiples in number as well.  In the beginning, its effect to the members would probably be a minor issue."

♥

Keep this in mind..

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Almost everyone has their own social media/networking accounts.  I think it started out a few years ago, when Friendster started.  I had those accounts too.  Since Friendster, I also had different accounts on different sites -- Multiply, MySpace, Facebook & Twitter.  At first, I never really though of how this would affect me, or if it would affect me - either positive or negative - at all.

Who does that anyway? Would anyone think of what and how sites like Facebook and Twitter affect them in the long-run?  Of course, today, there would be a lot of things to say on how these social networking sites affect us (not to mention all the reminders on local media). But in the beginning, when every site was at their peak, have anyone though of these sites' corresponding effects? Have you?

As I was lecturing myself on why I signed-up for all these accounts and how it would affect me in the long-run, I saw an article.  It was entitled "4 Ways Social Media Is Chenging Your Relationships" by Dr. Rachna Jain of Social Media Examiner. Her article was to "examine how social media is changing our interpersonal psychology and what you can do about it," as it says on the last sentence of her article's introduction.  I felt curious and enticed with that sentence and so I continued to read her article.

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In her article, Dr. Jain indicated four (4) important ways on how Social Media changes one's interpersonal psychology/relationship. She said that these ways are:

1. Allows you to connect with more people more.
2. Makes it easy to overestimate level of intimacy.
3. You're more susceptible to social media contagion effect.
4. Comparing yourself with others.

Basically, her article are about the explanations of these four "important ways" of how social media affects one's interpersonal relationship. I guess, everything she said made sense. Although, I must admit, only the first "way" was the only one which may be considered positive compared to the rest.  The second until the fourth are all, sadly, the negative sides of social media.

Well in my very own opinion, I admit that I gained friends through social media. I became friends with many whom, although I see everyday then during high school and now in college, I thought were snob. Furthermore, I had the chance to get to know many people.

Regarding her second note, I must proudly say that, I am not easily confused with digital intimacy and true intimacy. I always keep in mind what my mom used to tell me "Do not trust easily. Mahirap na." Also, with all the pranks nowadays? Never will I trust easily on anyone whom I only met online. And for the record, social contagion effect and comparing myself with others, I guess, are not my problems as of now.

I would also like to include in here some of Dr. Jain's tips on how to benefit from social media:

1. Limit the time you spend on social networks.
2. Monitor your won emotions and reactions.
3. Take care not to compare yourself too often to others.
4. Set goals or guidelines for your business relationships.
5. Maintain a balance between your online and offline life.

These tips, exactly, are what I am keeping in mind. I am doing my very best not to forget about my personal life in exchange to what I can achieve through social media. It would be a little impossible (with me, at least) to totally give up social media because I already got used to it. It became my own stress-reliever in some ways. Although, I admit that I am now improving. I now use the computer/internet, mostly, for academic purposes. I guess, my laptop being broken is one factor. (Haha!) Nevertheless, still improving! ♥